consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
