At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
