I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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