Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
