you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
