I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
