I want to have your abortion
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
