Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
