Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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