Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
