dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
