Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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