Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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