I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
