i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Randomize
