I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
MIDGETS
????
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
