i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
