im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
