dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
