Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
