After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
