Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
