My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
