If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
