Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
