Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
