In America we eat man semen.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
