I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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