You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize