We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
