You work out of a Hotel?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
