Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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