Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
