woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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