I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
