YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He has the fingertips of a God
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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