I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
