First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
