My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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