I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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