My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just tell him i said nine months
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
