whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
