Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
