I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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