Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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