you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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