FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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