he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
