she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
