why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
