We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
