I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
