I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
