1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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