So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
