You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize